Ah, screw Pictionary

War on Terror, the board game is more relevant. All players start as empires, doing the boring work of all empires, expansion and resource grabbing. Eventually someone will go terrorist. Maybe the Finger of Suspicion on the Axis of Evil spinner lands on them, or having a couple of nukes lying around is just too tempting. Before you know it, you're sending out suicide bombers and the world has gone to hell. Included are 15 radiation counters, 2 oil dice, 47 terrorist cards, and lots 'o money in bank notes from the World Bank of Capitalism. If you play as a terrorist, you can don a fashionable balaclava with "EVIL" emblazoned across the forehead in large red letters.

The object is to domina...ahem, liberate the world. The game has upset some folks with its realism, which is not contained to donning balaclavas to imitate stereotypical terrorists. I can't say why, I've never played it (and at $50 I'm not inclined to.) Apparently it's highly satirical and way too accurate, with empires funding terrorists who then turn on them, or empires randomly declared terrorist by the Axis of Evil spinner. Or Empires saying "f*ck it" and going terrorist, then realizing they aren't doing anything differently except wearing a silly balaclava.

When Police raided a protest camp in the U.K. and seized a "weapons cache", the official photo included...you guessed it...War on Terror, the board game. Art imitates life.

Happy New Year! And kiss your @&$ goodbye!

I'm caught up in the blog family spirit after reading the recent round of posts. So in that spirit, I will 1) quit blagging, and 2) resume my role as resident pessimist.

Most of y'all are science nuts, so you may have heard about the recent earthquakes in Yellowstone. If you haven't, well, it's probably better. All those neat geysers and hot springs are geothermal, of course. And geothermal means heat. And heat means magma. And magma, when it blows out in a big way, means calderas. Yellowstone caldera was formed from a volcanic eruption and is roughly 34 x 45 miles. That's a heap 'o magma. When you see that much, you're going to have a very bad day. Don't trust me on this, trust the Discovery Channel:

the Yellowstone eruption of 2.1 million years ago, which is described on the VEI as an eight: mega-colossal, with a towering ash cloud 10 miles high that pours out at least a thousand cubic miles of ash. That Yellowstone eruption had 10 times the ejected material as a VEI 7 volcano, which modern humans have never seen either.

In fact, the last VEI 7 eruption was in Toba, Indonesia, 74,000 years ago, and it caused such global cooling that some scientists think it nearly drove humans to extinction.

On the other hand, it might just be some water moving around, or a little seismic hiccup, and some other poor schmucks will have to endure global extinction. Happy news for us! I can take a drink, and we can go on with planning game night.

Jihad Mickey!

Saturday morning children's entertainment...in Palestine.

Death by doorbusters

Well, this was inevitable...A Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death during an after-Thanksgiving sale. I'm not surprised. I usually hit the stores on Black Friday, at times joining the 5am shoppers. Eric and I agree---the whole point of attending this madness isn't the sales, it's the people watching. I find it totally fascinating how people go primeval to obtain a $128 Blu-Ray player. Retailers have tapped some wellspring in the human psyche, combining our innate tendency to horde possessions with the instinct to deprive competitors of resources. This throws shoppers back to the basic existence we all enjoyed 100,000 years ago. The result is Quest for Fire at your local mall.

Another thing I've noticed: in some circles, it's like a weird chick version of the Superbowl. Inter-generational groups of women will discuss strategies for weeks beforehand, collect coupons, and do girl bonding while dashing from store to store. They wait all year for this day. Christmas is a side-item, the real point is the shopping before Christmas.

Allison is walking on sunshine

How to stop political yard sign thieves

If you're an electrician, wire that baby up with a little juice. Although this one only had the voltage of a pet fence, I'm all for using a standard 120 outlet.

Sad thing is, this kid's parents have a litany of excuses, including "He was just trying to see how the sign was put together." Asshats.

Where have all the trees gone?

Into excessive packaging for one stupid pair of earphones. (Note: cat is for comparison purposes only, and was not included in shipping.)

I suppose it's better than this case, where HP used 17 boxes for...a few pages of paper.

The edumacashun wars

If you've been to college, you know the dangers of selecting random professors. Everyone seems to have at least one horror story about a course, and dead center can be found----The Evil Professor !!! Since I'm in a local community two year el-cheapo college, the traditional method of asking around has limits, there's less of a rumor mill. So I turn to the problem solver of the 21st century, the internet. Ratemyprofessors.com allows students to post thoughts about their professors anonymously. It's pretty accurate if you keep a couple of rules in mind. First, posts with atrocious grammar/spelling usually reflect the poster's intelligence. A great number of these posts are negative, presumably in revenge for a deservedly poor grade received by the disgruntled student. Second, posts with details such as "tests for material not covered" are much more valuable. If you can wade through all the ranting, you can find valuable information, and an occasional witty comment that will make you laugh. (My all time favorite: "If you take his class, you'll need a pillow. Your pillow will need a pillow.")

As you might expect, most professors have a contrary view of ratemyprofessors.com. So in response, someone launched a blog, Rate Your Students. I think it started off as a place for venting responses to student posts on what professors call The Site That Is Not To Be Named. Now it's expanded to include tales of archetypal professoring moments like busting insanely stupid plagiarism . Since I sit next to some of these students, I don't find such stories particularly shocking. I hate to sound old, but kids nowadays are something else.

Barack performs bodily function, crowd goes wild

A sad week in Geekdom

Gary Gygax,the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons, died Tuesday. He failed to roll a save vs. abdominal aneurysm at the age of 69. Anyone who has held their breath watching 2d20 bounce across a tabletop knows what a loss we've suffered.



In other bad news, Bill Gates is no longer the world's richest guy. He was bumped by Warren Buffett, and some guy named Carlos Slim Helu. Now, Buffett doesn't surprise me, but who the hell is this Helu guy? The news reports say he's a Mexican telecommunications magnate. It kind of burns me up that Mexico has millions of desperately poor people, many of them come here just to try and feed their families, and this dude is quietly raking in the dough. I guess it's not just a sad week in Geekdom, it's a sad week in the world of human rights. The upside is that Bill Gates has slipped in the wealth rankings because he's giving so much of it away. The Gates Foundation announced this week they were handing out thousands of grants for innovative solutions in health. Having already spent 26 billion on charitable causes, I think it's safe to say Bill and Melinda are racking up major karma points. Probably worth a move from #1 to #3 in available stacks of cash.

Mother Nature gone wild!

Disturbing news from down under...the ocean suddenly turned into cappuccino. Enjoy Labor day at the beach, everyone!

Even more disturbing news from Texas, there is a giant 200 yard spiderweb in Tawakoni State Park. You can't appreciate the true creepyness of this thing unless you watch the video in the link. It may be the result of "social spiders spinning the web together". Well, that's just great---if the squid don't organize and get us, the freakin' spiders will. And God help us if they decide to join forces. Come to think of it, what if the squid are behind the frothy ocean? Those pointy-headed "marine experts" are oblivious to what's really going on. I bet they think our economy is run by a complicated intermix of government and free market forces, and not the Illuminati.

We're all doomed. Go out and party this weekend. Enjoy yourself before the invertebrates wipe us out, or enslave us, or some other damn thing.

Vick haiku

Picked up (and brushed up) from a wit on the AJC blog.

Morality is
only a white mans construct
just keepin it real

The water bottle
In Miami did not hold
pot, maybe Valtrex?

Vick apologists:
"Come on, they are just dumb dogs!"
Felonies are fun

Eat more calamari--before it eats us

I've been warning y'all for years, the squid are coming to get us. And they mean business, baby. Humboldt, or Jumbo squid are nasty 100-lb, 7 foot long squid that travel in packs and cannibalize each other. And did I mention they may have a sophisticated method of communication? Hunt cooperatively? Can jump far enough out of the water to be named "Jumbo Flying Squid"? Or that Mexican fishermen call them "Diablos Rojos" ("Red Devils") ?

Until recently they were only seen in a small area of the ocean near the equator. Now, they're clearly following their part of the Squid World Domination Plan. Jumbo squid have taken up residence as far North as Monterey Bay. And that's only the far limit we know for permanent habitation, some have been spotted up around Alaska. Where's a spilling oil tanker when we need one?Marine Biologists seem concerned about attacks on swimming humans or damage to commercial fishing. 100 lb hungry squid like to eat, y'know.

I'm far more worried about the fate of the human species. Several years ago the Discovery Channel ran a special called "The Future is Wild!" They projected evolutionary changes from present-day animals. So, 200 million years from now earth is devoid of the human race. We've left for the stars. Now there is a tree-dwelling species with large brains, the capacity for group cooperation, and extremities capable of manipulation to make tools and fire. They use weapons, such as throwing objects.

Australopithecus?

F*ck NO! It's THE DAMN SQUID INHERITING THE EARTH! The little bastards are going to evolve, build spaceships, and leave earth to come after us! Today, Monterey Bay and Alaskan waters. Tomorrow, Alpha Centauri.


Our only hope in this scenario is that Giant squid will also evolve. They will become land-dwelling creatures filling the current niche of large predators. Think of an elephant with eight legs and two tentacles. And a really, really big beak. And an appetite for smaller, intelligent tree-dwelling squid.

I've been doing my part for years to eat more calamari. Add it to your regular diet. It's the only hope for humanity.

Ciao, MV7

Despite the testosterone charged atmosphere in the NFL, looks like the Commissioner is the only guy who's got a pair. He's suspended Michael Vick.


Blogs and news shows have been repeating a talking point over and over: innocent until proven guilty. Many people are pressing to not impose any consequences until the outcome of his presumed trial in Federal court. Bad idea.

• "Innocent until proven guilty" refers to how we decide to deprive citizens of their physical freedom. Incarcerating someone is the most severe punishment (aside from execution) that can be imposed by our government. So the only place of a jury's judgement is in that context. What if we applied the phrase to other aspects of life? Have you ever been fired or let go from a job based on charges that would result in a criminal conviction? Do you think that was wrong to be fired without a jury trial? What if you were a boss and had to make personnel moves for only those reasons? Don't you keep your children away from a creepy next-door neighbor based on your impressions, rather than solid evidence meeting the test of admissibility? Evaluation of one's actions in a legal light is just that---judgement on a legal basis. It should never be considered in factors aside from locking someone up.

• In solely practical terms, the distraction of these charges is enormous. Can you imagine road games? Opposing fans, cities, morning deejays, PETA, etc. will be merciless. There are a bunch of other guys around him trying to play football and earn endorsements. They don't deserve this kind of distraction any more than you deserve working with a deadbeat who generates bill-collection calls to your workplace. Vick's actions affect everyone in the organization.
  

• This isn't a small matter, it carries a much longer jail term than say, a DUI. A DUI can be the result of a momentary bad decision in an otherwise (relatively) stable person. These charges are from a long-term offense, like money laundering, where lots of people and intent over an extended period of time is required. And with a conviction rate of 95% or so on Federal charges, it's very likely he will be convicted or serve time.

• At the very least, he's shown extreme negligence. He bought a house and property, knew there were people there who were convicted criminals, and (he says) never set foot on the property or checked on it for five years. Because of his alleged oversight, his money was used to establish and run an illegal and thoroughly disgusting venture. It wouldn't have happened had he not used NFL money. Why give him any more?
  

• Michael Vick isn't being paid to throw a football, he's being paid to throw a football while being televised and watched by millions. His job isn't just to accomplish a mechanical end, it includes representing the team and the city. The NFL is a legal monopoly for that reason. Ultimately football is like moviemaking. If you're a great actor/actress/director that's great, but you don't get paid unless you can sell your product. Brad Pitt gets paid huge advances for signing a contract based on the fact that people will go because he's in the movie. His appearances on Entertainment Tonight and in other media are part of what drives his appeal. Michael Vick is no different. Image, conduct, and other "soft" factors come into play, and they should be considered in light of his job performance.

It's scary to have a bunch of millionaires running around who are being taught they don't have to follow any rules. The NFL Commissioner is making it clear that if you're a player, you can't be assured of keeping your job as long as you make the minumum requirement---staying out of jail.