Sheeple

Down to earth, and not in a good way

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 15:16:00 +0000

A leftover from January's Armageddon week on the History Channel; an asteroid impact simulator. You can specify the density of a projectile, speed, angle of entry, and other variables, and it'll show you what happens if it hits the earth. There's a display page with geek info like kinetic energy, burst altitude, and fireball radius, which can be quite impressive if you're talking 1000 meter wide iron chunks. For the non-geek, there are visual displays, you can drop the Empire State building in the crater to see the depth. It's an interesting exercise in applied physics to alter the specs and see what happens.

The best feature is a google map display where you can pinpoint the point of impact and see the resulting crater. I personally like to target Paris. I never did like the French.

The State Legislature is in sexi...er, session

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:29:00 +0000

Our illustrious leaders are gathered under the gold dome to serve the citizens of Georgia. Let the circus begin! Many times these legislators have been so bunged up over a stupid or obscure issue, they can't wait to get to Atlanta and shoot their mouths off. This session it's going to be hard to top Rep. Calvin Hill (R-Canton.)

On February 2nd, this story appeared in the AJC---Rep. Hill had somehow gotten his hands on a Georgia State University guide, which listed professors as experts in such areas as oral sex (gasp!) and male prostitution (double gasp!) He was outraged tax dollars pay for college courses in these topics, and issued a fatwa to rally the faithful. Being informed Georgia State offers no such courses didn't assuage his righteous indignation. No reason to let facts get in the way, right?

A few days later, a follow up story showed Camp Bizarro gaining followers. Enthusiastically joining the witch hunt were Rep. Charlice Byrd (R-Woodstock) and Georgia Christian Coalition President Jim Beck, who called for legislative hearings on the ungodly mix of heathen eggheads, taxes, and wee-wees. This all might be funny--until you realize Rep. Hill is Vice Chair of the House Appropriations Committee. Georgia State faculty offered numerous rejoinders to the accusations, without much result since obsessive-compulsive combing of all college courses in the entire State revealed some with "queer"(triple gasp!) in the title. I will never understand how these offended people can endure hours, days, and weeks searching for something that will offend them. I'd rather spend time looking for things I enjoy, and don't send me into a maddened frenzy. Maybe it's just me.

Finally someone at Georgia State stopped laughing long enough to send two of the listed experts to testify before the House. The "male prostitution expert," Professor Kirk Elifson, said his research is aimed at cutting the rate of sexually transmitted diseases. Georgia has a high rate of STD's so this seems sensible. However Mr. Elifson understood he was dealing with politicians, making sense wins no points in the legislature. So he stated he had become an expert while serving in the Army in Viet Nam. Checkmate move, Professor! I've found playing the Veteran's card on rabid family-values flag-waving Republicans shuts them up. (Temporarily anyway.) Despite their hawkishness few have actually been in uniform, or even watched Saving Private Ryan. Those who have served go into immediate feedback loop/meltdown, where they try to process how another Vet could be such a commie pinko longhair. And poor Rep. Hill must have been really bummed when the "oral sex expert" implied her work could be useful to prevent teens from having oral sex. How the hell can a God-fearing uptight Republican oppose less sex? Game over, man.

Having lost the high ground, Rep. Hill backtracked. He declined to ask the GSU expert heathens any questions, and later blamed the media for "blowing the subject [giggle!] out of proportion." Continuing his unintentional Freudian leakage, he told the AJC “It’s been taken sideways by people who like the titillating words.” This man is a walking, talking invitation for me to create another drinking game. And again, maybe it's just me, but I like to keep my titillating words in places for uh, titillation. Like the bedroom. Oh, maybe the kitchen table occasionally, perhaps airport restrooms if I'm really drunk and lucky. But a subcommittee of the Georgia State Legislature? Dear God, if you're using titillating words there, you are an irredeemable pervert.

Rep. Byrd, on the other hand, hasn't given up the good fight against blowjo---uh, ungodly smut. Her website currently has a vaguely ominous fatwa (warning: EXTREMELY annoying video.) It's a merger of paranoia and bad English, such as "...there is a professor at UGA that has confirmed and verified courses in 'Queer Theory' among other things are being [sic] taught. " If this woman wasn't immersed in Theory of Porno 2101 during her college years, what was she doing? Her alma mater (SE Louisiana) may be morally superior to UGA, but at least University of Sodom and Georgia students learn English when they aren't sexing it up in the classroom. BTW, Rep. Byrd shares her colleague's unfortunate Freudian leakage. Even as a longtime resident of Decatur, I've seen few hairstyles screaming "dyke" as loudly as the one in her video. I bet she lives for fish taco night at La Parrilla, and has no idea why.

Snow Mountain

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 17:16:00 +0000

I have my ticket. 44 inches of snow at the base of Stone Mountain should be a real experience.

A poignant little story on what those snow machines were doing Christmas eve...

One more thing for Eric's to-do list

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 01:39:00 +0000

I'm sure he can fit this project in: The Bacon Explosion.

What happens when hackers get hold of road signs

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 13:12:00 +0000

Ah, screw Pictionary

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 18:13:00 +0000

War on Terror, the board game is more relevant. All players start as empires, doing the boring work of all empires, expansion and resource grabbing. Eventually someone will go terrorist. Maybe the Finger of Suspicion on the Axis of Evil spinner lands on them, or having a couple of nukes lying around is just too tempting. Before you know it, you're sending out suicide bombers and the world has gone to hell. Included are 15 radiation counters, 2 oil dice, 47 terrorist cards, and lots 'o money in bank notes from the World Bank of Capitalism. If you play as a terrorist, you can don a fashionable balaclava with "EVIL" emblazoned across the forehead in large red letters.

The object is to domina...ahem, liberate the world. The game has upset some folks with its realism, which is not contained to donning balaclavas to imitate stereotypical terrorists. I can't say why, I've never played it (and at $50 I'm not inclined to.) Apparently it's highly satirical and way too accurate, with empires funding terrorists who then turn on them, or empires randomly declared terrorist by the Axis of Evil spinner. Or Empires saying "f*ck it" and going terrorist, then realizing they aren't doing anything differently except wearing a silly balaclava.

When Police raided a protest camp in the U.K. and seized a "weapons cache", the official photo included...you guessed it...War on Terror, the board game. Art imitates life.

BFF

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:45:00 +0000

Happy New Year! And kiss your @&$ goodbye!

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 16:13:00 +0000

I'm caught up in the blog family spirit after reading the recent round of posts. So in that spirit, I will 1) quit blagging, and 2) resume my role as resident pessimist.

Most of y'all are science nuts, so you may have heard about the recent earthquakes in Yellowstone. If you haven't, well, it's probably better. All those neat geysers and hot springs are geothermal, of course. And geothermal means heat. And heat means magma. And magma, when it blows out in a big way, means calderas. Yellowstone caldera was formed from a volcanic eruption and is roughly 34 x 45 miles. That's a heap 'o magma. When you see that much, you're going to have a very bad day. Don't trust me on this, trust the Discovery Channel:

the Yellowstone eruption of 2.1 million years ago, which is described on the VEI as an eight: mega-colossal, with a towering ash cloud 10 miles high that pours out at least a thousand cubic miles of ash. That Yellowstone eruption had 10 times the ejected material as a VEI 7 volcano, which modern humans have never seen either.
In fact, the last VEI 7 eruption was in Toba, Indonesia, 74,000 years ago, and it caused such global cooling that some scientists think it nearly drove humans to extinction.

On the other hand, it might just be some water moving around, or a little seismic hiccup, and some other poor schmucks will have to endure global extinction. Happy news for us! I can take a drink, and we can go on with planning game night.

Jihad Mickey!

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 02:35:00 +0000

Saturday morning children's entertainment...in Palestine.

Death by doorbusters

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:14:00 +0000

Well, this was inevitable...A Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death during an after-Thanksgiving sale. I'm not surprised. I usually hit the stores on Black Friday, at times joining the 5am shoppers. Eric and I agree---the whole point of attending this madness isn't the sales, it's the people watching. I find it totally fascinating how people go primeval to obtain a $128 Blu-Ray player. Retailers have tapped some wellspring in the human psyche, combining our innate tendency to horde possessions with the instinct to deprive competitors of resources. This throws shoppers back to the basic existence we all enjoyed 100,000 years ago. The result is Quest for Fire at your local mall.

Another thing I've noticed: in some circles, it's like a weird chick version of the Superbowl. Inter-generational groups of women will discuss strategies for weeks beforehand, collect coupons, and do girl bonding while dashing from store to store. They wait all year for this day. Christmas is a side-item, the real point is the shopping before Christmas.

Allison is walking on sunshine

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 22:45:00 +0000

And I'll be firewalking in hell for laughing at this video, pasted together from an episode of Intervention. Seriously, I think I just offended myself.

How to stop political yard sign thieves

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:21:00 +0000

If you're an electrician, wire that baby up with a little juice. Although this one only had the voltage of a pet fence, I'm all for using a standard 120 outlet.

Sad thing is, this kid's parents have a litany of excuses, including "He was just trying to see how the sign was put together." Asshats.

Congratulations, it's a....football!

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:44:00 +0000

Little incognito panda is growing rapidly, "football" is actually a week or two old in the size-comparison category. He gained 115 grams in one 24 hour period so I guess they'll have to come up with something new every day. Oh, and he's scooting around, crawling can't be far behind. Zoo trip! I wish they could reschedule Lun Lun to give birth around February so I wouldn't have to freeze my &$$ off to see baby pandas.

Tangible love from Mom!

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:18:00 +0000

I was downloading pictures from my camera and found this....In my drug-addled state after surgery, I snapped a shot of an edible arrangement my mom sent. Wayyyyyy good. The fruit really was edible, everything was ripe and top-quality. I had always assumed the "edible" was a technicality.

I had arranged for (and gotten) plenty of food from friends so as to avoid cooking or shopping, dangerous activities while on Percocet (tm). But it hadn't occurred to me a steady diet of lasagna, beef stew, and the like wasn't really well rounded. Fortunately, moms are good at knowing this stuff. I think it goes along with having eyes in the back of their head.

Fantastic Contraptions

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 21:23:00 +0000

Okay, I don't even have drugs to blame for wasting time on this, but who cares? It's a very simple concept--you have to get an object in a goal. You have two tools--wheels and connecting rods.

This game cured me of the crazy idea I might take a physics class.

Eternal Sunset

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 22:56:00 +0000

From the Department of Aimless Surfing On Painkillers, here's a pointless feel-good website: Eternal Sunset, a collection of webcams set to rotate according to sundown. No more impatiently waiting for your local sunset, tune in anytime. Plus, it's kind of cool to compare a day's sunset in Ontario and Key West.
Like, wow, man. Far out. Uh, could someone please pass me the Cheetos?

Congratulations, it's a....cellphone!

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 16:34:00 +0000

For those of you too busy to keep track, Lun Lun had her baby August 30th. I was hoping for another twin cub---two of them together would be quite a sight---but given the rarity of Panda births, we're lucky to have even one. The press is now using the phrase "about the size of a cellphone" to describe him. Mei Lan was "about the size of a stick of butter" when she was born. I'm not sure if they're using a different description because this cub is bigger, a cellphone is an object most people handle on a daily basis, or they realized "stick of butter" was a strange analogy.

There was a brief scare a couple of days ago, the cub's body temperature dropped and they put him in an incubator for 19 hours. He's back with his mom now, everything seems fine.

Due to the "incident" Pandakeepers are weighing and checking him periodically. I wonder who has the job of grabbing him away from Lun Lun? Those animals are pretty damn big.

Congratulations, it's a....backbone!

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 04:15:00 +0000

Zoo Atlanta's panda, Lun Lun, is pregnant! Here's her ultrasound, the alien like thing in middle is a spine. And this is very soon (in panda terms) after having Mei Lan....I'm so proud of our little panda hussy!

Let the Games Begin! Pt. II

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 12:39:00 +0000

Here's one of those Olympic athletes who are lesser known, but far more interesting than some of the big names; Melanie Roach, an ex-gymnast who took up weightlifting to rehab from an injury. She qualified for the 2000 Olympics but ripped up her back shortly before going to Athens, and retired from the sport. So she went out and started both a family and a business. After several years she had back surgery so she could try again, and managed to make this year's team at the apparently old-weightlifter age of 33. Melanie is a definite multitasker. Her three kids are all under six years old, and one is autistic. Her Olympic blog talks about a visit to the Great Wall, and with some kids from a special needs orphanage in China.

She's fun to watch because---well, she looks like a gymnast who just happens to be lifting weights. The first big clue of her background is her smile. This picture isn't staged, it's from a competition. She does that every time she lifts, as opposed to other women who make faces more appropriate to hoisting one's body weight above one's head. You can see her fighting hard after a lift not to do the little gymnast pose.

BTW, she didn't win any medals, but she did make all six of her attempted lifts, and set a new American record. She seems quite happy about her Olympic experience.

Santa Clara's drumline does NOT rule

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 17:56:00 +0000

In the world of DCI, the Phantom Regiment does. Literally. They brought their own slaves to the semifinal competition last Thursday, and had them carry the drum major onto the field--when they weren't otherwise abusing them.

All assertions from Cheryl about the superiority of Santa Clara's drumline aside, they placed sixth, along with their overall corps. The DCI theater telecast was great, both in coverage (really good camerawork and sound) and in comfort (A/C, cushy seats.) I had forgotten how entertaining these productions are, with bunches of people who can run--not march, run--around making formations while playing the Waldenstein Sonata in C Major, Movement 1.

Like the Phantom Regiment, who did "Spartacus," most corps' shows had a central theme. My biking nut friend Jamie really enjoyed "Tour de France," with the color guard in full biking attire. Good thing it included helmets, they threw bike wheels at each other.

Other interesting themes--a boxing match, and "The Pursuit of Happiness," (yeah, whatever, people.) One of my favorites was the Cavaliers Samurai theme. They whipped Santa Clara too, check out the Cavalier's Kodo drums in the youtube clip. Hard to compete with that. Poor Santa Clara. Outgunned in the percussion department.

Let the Games Begin! Pt. I

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 15:48:00 +0000

It seems like just yesterday we were making fun of London's orally fixated 2012 Olympic plans, and now it's time for more Olympics---beginning tonight the Chinese host them in Beijing. China I always look forward to the games and am usually more prepared, but they kind of snuck up on me this year. There is a dizzying array of coverage schedules which I can't decode to save my life, so I'm just gonna take it day by day and try to use the VCR for those critical events. One problem is the time difference, most of the events will take place in the middle of the night (our time.) Despite my rabid motivation I'm a bit old to be awake at 3am. And most of the prime time re-broadcasts will be in sports that don't always interest me much, like track and field or basketball. I'd much rather see the little offbeat stuff like archery or badminton.

So, anyone else tuning in? What events are on your must-see list?

Where have all the trees gone?

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 17:44:00 +0000

Into excessive packaging for one stupid pair of earphones. (Note: cat is for comparison purposes only, and was not included in shipping.)

I suppose it's better than this case, where HP used 17 boxes for...a few pages of paper.

My foster cats need dentures and a green card

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 17:31:00 +0000

My sickly cat, Huey (the black one) has had so much trouble with his teeth that the vet recommended just pulling them all out, except his fangs. So I had them yanked out a couple of days ago. He's doing remarkably well, much better than all the humans I know who have had such extensive dental surgery---including me. I guess cats naturally whine less than people. He's resting very comfortably, as you can see.

My other cat Emma (the calico) was undocumented. She finally has some records, so I now don't have to worry that the INS will come take her away. She came with Huey. Both of them arrived under questionable circumstances, which I've sort of pieced together...I think. Their former owner was a kind, but stupid young woman, who had previously adopted them from Lifeline Animal Project. Despite the paperwork which specified she would keep them indoors, Huey ended up with FIV, most likely because he's a male and was bitten in a fight. The girl began asking Lifeline to help her with vet bills, which they did. Eventually she lost her job, moved in with her parents, and was going to keep the cats in an unheated garage over the winter. The shelter manager at Lifeline was apparently fed up, and made her surrender them both. Of course, they needed a schmuck who would foster them, so guess who got the call? I met the girl at the shelter when she brought Emma and Huey in to give them up, so they passed directly to me, which is most likely why Emma had absolutely no paperwork of any kind...vet records, intake forms, nothing. I might as well have picked her up standing out front of a Home Depot.

I did take her in last week for a standard checkup, so now she has her shots and microchip. They also looked at her hip. I thought maybe she had a problem since she limps occasionally. The verdict---she walks funny because she's so fat. I'm always putting out food to encourage Huey to eat and gain weight. Unfortunately Emma never met a can of food she didn't like, so she's pretty darn round. After the green card and the dentures, the next item on my cat list is a kitty treadmill.

So you think I'm a blagger?

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:24:00 +0000

Here's a blog of one-entry blogs---if that makes any sense. Most of them are like you'd expect, "so I wuz saiyin 2 my freind, I got the didgits of this hottie from a club, but I losted them cuz my ass-hole brat broher flushed my cell down in the toillett, like, yeh, watevr beeyotch...." stream of consciousness blather.

Occasionally you'll find a blog like billionare.blogspot, launched by a seemingly ambitious (but apparently lazy) Libertarian Objectivist who wants to get rich. I wonder if there's a nicely assembled market here for ADHD drug prescriptions? Maybe that's where billionare.blogspot guy disappeared to.

Top fifteen mobsters who make you say "mmmmm"

noreply@blogger.com (Cara) — Fri, 16 May 2008 21:42:00 +0000

15. Danny Arugula

14. fetachini ravioli boyarde

13. patrick the pickle

12. Tony Tater Tots

11. Mr. Ravioli

10. The pancake maker

9. pauly bag of donuts

8. Jimmy the Prawn

7. Tony Carbonara

6. frozen chicken

5. bitch took my cookie

4. dom perig non

3. Al Cappuchino

2. Half pack o certs

......And of course the number one mobster that makes me say mmmmmm....

1.Joey Calamari